| |
"enlarge my what??
the secret destiny of a lengthy tool"
by dr. finger, men's medical expert
 |
recently, it has been brought to my attention that those infinitely creative internet mass marketers really, really want to enlarge my penis. commendable aim, but i have to ask them: why all the concern about my johnson? let us also ask the un-askable: exactly how will you enlarge my pipe? weights? home surgery? when you really delve into this phenomenon, it becomes apparent those spammers really haven't thought this thing through to any length (no pun intended).
i want to know who is gullible enough to believe that a gelatin capsule filled with god knows what is going to "increase vascular response" and "give her the big bang." some poor joe with a 40-count-cocktail-shrimp sized member must be purchasing this pill bottle of hope, right? to answer my own question: i doubt it.
|
i propose that one aim of this awareness campaign for men's meatsticks is a thinly veiled attempt to desensitize (no pun intended) hetero males to the appearance of dongs on screen at the multiplex. let's face it boys, the feminist cabal has run out of gas in this country. one final sacred cow to slay is the imminently fair ratio of 1 nude male to 879,248,112 nude females in r rated movies (and on pay cable). i must point out that this ratio does not include patrick swayze's troublesome butt crack.
|
you might ask, "dr. finger, aren't schlongs on screen a little different than schlong-message ads flooding your inbox?"
i would answer, "not when those ads for man-crank enlargement are created and sent by a group of vicious feminist harpies with a cultural bone to pick (so to speak)." who else would want men to feel so inadequate, yet familiarized, with their skin-handles? what a perfect way to convince us of our own inadequacy! insist our wet-ones be larger in one context, and continually bombard us with reminders about the collective flesh missile in another?
|
 |
we can fight back, fellows. i know how we can do it. hats. in the not so distant past, to leave your house without a hat could be equated with leaving your house stark naked with a magic marker smile drawn in underneath your belly-button. you know, so your trunk looks like a face?
 |
hats are manly, and disrupt critical sightlines to the pecker. they say to the dames: "hey, i will open that door for you and stand up when you arrive at, or leave, the dinner table." consequently, the conniving group of bicycle-needing-fish women would have to start sending out email ads like: "get a monster...hat", and "impress her tonight...with your hat!".
so bring on the spam for septic tanks, mortgages, debt consolidation, and...larger hats. heck, rock the viagra prescriptions as hard as you want (no pun intended). just leave the concept of bigger struts to aircraft designers and building contractors. and please, while you're at it, send me a 30 count of enlargo - vasodilator penile enlargement.
|
|
