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"telemarketers of doom"
by alicia hernslichter
| in the age of spam, telemarketers aren't considered quite as annoying as they used to be. sure, they still call during dinner and mispronounce your name, but at least they don't fill your email box with promises to increase the size of your penis. new technology allows us to screen our phone calls and even zap telemarketers before they can start their tired spiel, but every once in a while one of them gets through. |
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one monday evening i was standing at the sink, up to my elbows in dirty dishwater, when the phone rang. without checking the caller i.d., i picked up the phone. "hello, mrs. hornlicker?" i groaned. "not interested!" but she was not to be dissuaded, "i'm calling on behalf of your local firefighters." "i said i'm not interested," i repeated as i hung up the phone. whether you are calling to offer me insurance or begging me to contribute to charity, the answer will always be the same. if i'm interested, i'll call you. and if i call you, it certainly won't be at home! |
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i didn't think much more about it until two weeks later, when my house burned to the ground. i came home from work to find a flames leaping out of my windows. there wasn't a fireman in sight. in fact, they didn't show up until nearly an hour later, even though my neighbors called them at the first sign of trouble.
the incident left me wondering two things, why on earth had i let my homeowner's insurance lapse and why didn't the firemen respond sooner? would they have arrived more quickly had i not hung up on their telemarketer? or worse, had the fire been set on purpose as an example for the town? |
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certainly enough, a few months later the fire department had a shiny new truck and a new coat of paint on the station, thanks to a record-breaking year of fund-raising. while they paraded down main street on the fourth of july, i was living in an alley not far away.
don't get me wrong, i would never imply that all firemen are corrupted. most are truly heroes in a way we could never truly repay. but if you're living in a town with a volunteer fire department and their telemarketers solicit you, don't be too quick to hang up. you might not have a phone to ring if you're not careful. |
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