"reptiles will rule the world"
by nathaniel

there is no denying that the weather is getting stranger and stranger. summer is longer, winter is milder, spring is wetter. call it el nino, call it the greenhouse effect, but whatever you call it the result is just the same - reptiles will take over the world.

for millions of years, evolution has practically ignored these creatures. they crawled out of the sea only to be suspended between worlds. they depend on the land to lay their eggs, need the air to breathe, but find their food in the water. their lives are spent on the fringes of the animal world and they have had enough.

the climate is constantly changing but the process is so slow we barely perceive these shifts. right now the earth is in transition from ice age to a more arid, dry land. as the atmosphere heats up, the ice melts and the sea rises. more land is claimed by swamps and encroaching tides. the lizards, alligators, and frogs slowly gain territory further and further inland. your homes and parks give way to shallow waters ripe for amphibious envasion. other places will become more arid and dry to support human life but snakes and lizards will thrive and grow to dinosaurian proportions.

these animals that have remained mostly unchanged since long before people claimed the world now find their selves for the first time uniquely suited to the new environment, and they are not going to pass up this opportunity for world domination. they will crawl and slither into your backyard and your sewer systems. they will hop and even boldly walk into your houses and office buildings.

what can you do to stop this envasion? sadly, nothing. since we are unable to control the weather or stop the collapse of the ozone layer, we are helpless to stop the domination of humans as the scaly and slimy become the dominate species on the planet. there's an old saying, "if you can't beat them, join them." that doesn't apply here. unless you have webbed toes and a tail you won't fit in very well with the reptilian ruling class.

but every empire needs its servants in order to function. offer yourself as a slave to these green masters and hope to withstand their terrible eating orgies as they dine on human flesh. paint your nails and dye your hair green as a symbol of worship and submission. then as the floodgates open and the amphibians rush in to claim their territory you can stand tall and share your home with these magnificent creatures even while they feast on your next door neighbors.