"how the grinch was framed"
by marcus

Every Christmas we've heard the story about the evil Grinch with "termites in his smile" and "garlic in his soul" and how he tried to sabotage Christmas. We all know the story. In the idyllic town of Who-ville, Christmas is almost stolen by the terrible Grinch, but at the last minute he realizes the true meaning of Christmas and returns to the open arms of the Whos to celebrate with them. But we haven't heard the real story. The Whos are obsessed with two things: Christmas and Conformity. For them, Christmas is a time of commercialization and commerce. They don't celebrate the peace and love of the season; instead they revel in the chaos and gaudy presents. Each Who tries to out-light, out-spend, and out-celebrate the other Whos to show off their Christmas spirit. Status in Who-ville is determined by who has the largest credit card bill at the end of December and presents are judged on price tags and shiny bows. It's a season of greed and gimmie. Their whole year centers around this one day.

If you've ever been to Who-ville or seen pictures of this snowy town, you will notice that each and every Who is exactly the same! They have the same complexion and build, they even have the same name. They have the same faces, they have the same nose, each and every Who has the same number of fingers and toes. And they have an annoying habit of rhyming everything. So when a Who was born that didn't look like the rest, they cast him out of town. Banished to a cave in the mountains, this green, hairy Who lived alone except for a dog named Max. Even after becoming an outcast, the townies would come torture him and call him bad names until he had to create the persona of a Grinch to scare them away.

As the story goes, the Grinch's heart was two sizes too small. That is true. Along with the strange green skin, the Grinch was born with a congenital heart defect. His heart was smaller than average and so his blood had to pump faster and harder to circulate though his body. This made him bad at sports and any physical activity. But the brave Grinch bravely lived with his defective heart in his isolated cave and tried to make the best life that he knew how.

Even though he was cast out of society and driven out of town, the Grinch was concerned about how Who-ville was completely ruining Christmas by turning it into the horror show it had become over the years. So he decided to teach them a lesson and show them that Christmas didn't mean gifts or wrapping or stockings. So on Christmas eve, he snuck into Who-ville and let himself into the Who-houses and rid them of their commercialized holiday. He removed their expensive yet thoughtless presents and their plastic trees trimmed with gaudy lights and ornaments. He took away their sugary sweets and fattening hams. All of this he gathered up and carried to the top of the mountain.

This terrible exertion was taking its toll of the Grinch's weaken body, but he completed his mission before the Whos woke up on Christmas morning. The Who's were mightily angry and held a town meeting to decide how to deal with this tragedy, and the major came up with a devious plan. They all went out into the center of town, formed a circle, and held hands. They sang joyous Christmas tunes at the top of their lungs. From his vantage point on the mountain, the Grinch saw this display and wept from happiness. He was so proud that the Whos were able to celebrate Christmas without any gifts, that his heart expanded in his chest, growing three sizes.

His blood, so used to pumping at a furious rate continued to spin through his body. His heartbeat was racing even faster than normal because of the physical exertion. When his blood circled through his enlarged heart, it caused a great amount of friction and heated up. The Grinch clutched at his chest and tried to call for help but it was too late, his body spontaneously combusted.

The Whos saw this from Who-ville and a great cheer arose. They had finally succeeded in getting rid of the Grinch! They now had complete conformity. Together, the people of Who-Ville raced up the mountain. They retrieved their presents and Christmas trees. They torched the Grinch's home. They left the poor dead Grinch in the snow where he lay. Then they returned home to unwrap packages and compare credit card bills. For dinner they ate their roast beast and toasted to their victory even as they plotted ways to make next Christmas even more spectacular.