"celebrities in hiding"

what i'm about to say may shock you. it will almost certainly offend you. i apologize for ripping the core of your belief system from it's socket, but the truth must be told, and the truth is sometimes dirty.

the problem with being famous is that ... you are famous. your life is no longer your own and you are hounded every minute of every day by fans and reporters and of course the occasional stalker. the only way that a famous person can truly exit the limelight is by dying, and the more dramatic their death is, the easier it is to slip away while everyone is at the funeral.

i know what you're thinking, it's not very easy to fake your death. fortunately, there are agencies that specialize in this kind of operation. they will fake the death and autopsy, spread rumors to the tabloids, and relocate you to an unnamed city in arizona. granted, most of us would rather be dead than living in arizona but for celebrities, this anonymity comes as quite a relief. i spent several months tracking down one of these agencies, be-gone, and finally landed a job changing linens at one of their hotels, where my hidden camera caught these shocking photos.

i don't know what surprised me more, that elvis, kurt cobain, and mother theresa were still alive and healthy, or that they had become such close friends. they went everywhere together. on monday nights they bowled and tuesdays they played pool. wednesdays were karaokee, thursdays were dirt-bike racing, and fridays were poker night.

saturdays the trio rented videos and watched them on the large 62" television in elvis' room (which made me wonder, what is a man with a 62" television compensating for?) and of course sundays mother theresa led them in a day of prayer and fasting, which may be responsible for their youthful appearances.

it has long been held that elvis is alive and well and in hiding, but the appearance of kurt and theresa came as a shock to me. now that i have been able to infiltrate this seedy underground of deception and relocation, i will attempt to get transferred to another hotel for more juicy exposés. stay tuned as i will now start the long search for marilyn monroe and jimmy hoffa.