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"the truth about cellulite"
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FYI: there is ONE kind of fat. There is no such thing as cellulite. Fat cells, which everyone any semblance of healthy will have, can take on a dimply look on the areas of the body that receive the most weight/pressure, and where you have follicles. Hence the bum, backs of the thighs, etc.
The term "cellulite" was invented, literally, by the fashion and cosmetics industry. The way I see it as happening is this:
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The Set: A bunch of evil executives, and Miseree (pronounced Miz-uh-ray, mais oui!) Cosmetics are sitting around a large, oak table, snacking on human frailties washed down with the satisfaction of a job well done.
Evil Executive #1 (while chalking his horns with billiards chalk): "Well, my co-workers and consort..I mean, companions here in Miseree, it's been a good year. We've got the negroes buying our black-be-gone skin bleach and curl-away hair straightener...let's look into some kind of iris dye for the eyes, too....can someone get on a catchy slogan for that? Something like... "eyes not blue? That won't do!" I've noticed some pride surfacing, particularly around the birthday of that Luther King man, and sales plummet when there's pride afoot. So, that takes care of the ethnics. Lucifer, what's new on the fat front?"
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Evil Executive #2, while lighting cigar from burning 1,000 dollar bill: "Not so bad, Beelze, not so bad....we've got the super-chunk-o heifers positively loathing themselves...actually, we might want to pull some of the Callous Kline ads...apparently one woman bought so much of our "Skinny Minnie In a Jiffy" syrup that she fell in public, and had some sort of very thin, frothy, aspartame-induced seizure, involving a lot of eye-rolling and spittle-foaming. Not the look we're going for. *chuckles* One problem, sir: we've focused so much on the fatty-fat-fat-fats, that we're losing the skinnies...Apparently, acne and wrinkles just aren't enough to keep them down. We need more....all this talk of self-esteem (the whole room pauses for shuddering, then a brief sacrifice of a kitten)...we need to find an untapped resource. We're already convincing them to buy Miseree in the form of moustache bleach, wax and tweeze kits, hair volumizer, hair relaxer, pomade, gel, spray, spritz, curl revitalizer, skin bleach, depilatories, diet remedies, cover-up, face masks, metabo-boosts, and so many more...we're running out! I don't think we can convince them of anything else wrong with them.
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Evil Executive #3, while eroding the soil, shopping at the Gap, depleting the ozone and exploiting various immigrants: "Gimme a break, #2. You're talking about a target group that, just because we told them so, believe their genitals NATURALLY smell bad enough to spray aerosol, chemical rose-scent up there. We just need to convince them. Hey, I know, what about something wrong with their thighs? Thighs haven't been touched much...some of 'em don't even shave that high. Disgusting. We could say they're lumpy...ooh, I know...another, whole new kind of fat...we'll call it... CELLULITE."
A burst of red flames lights up the executives' faces, and they laugh. All the way to the bank.
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