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"Barbie Porn!"


editorial note: this story is not intended for younger readers.
continue only if you are at least eighteen years old.

i work at a one-hour photo hut in los angeles and let me tell you, i've seen some pretty weird things roll through. but something came off the developer the other day that shocked even me. i quickly ran off a copy for myself (like we do with all of the interesting rolls of film) and kept it stashed in my bottom drawer, for fear that if the contents of it ever got out innocent people might get hurt.

but then last week i was surfing around www.envasion.net and i read h.bob's expose of millie and immediately figured out that millie is a reference to barbie millicant, the famous los angeles resident. the more i read, the more horrified i became. i had no idea that behind the seemingly innocent facade there is a dark, disturbed doll and i knew i couldn't protect her anymore.

you see, it was her illustrious beau, ken, that had dropped off the scandalous roll of film that i have copies of in my possession, and in the memory of the heroic (and now mysteriously missing) h.bob i felt that it was my duty to share these secrets with the world. yes, the tramp you see on these appalling pictures is none other than millie, the plastic whore with a heart of stone. it is obvious by looking at these professional quality pictures that these were no bedroom snapshots between lovers, they were made willingly by my fallen angel for pornographic purposes.

i was horrified beyond belief to know that barbie, dear sweet little barbie, could be selling her flawless body to pornographers. to think that next time i pick up a stroke magazine i could be confronted with raw images of my childhood idol engaged in hardcore sex acts. my fingers shake with terror each time i visit a new porn site on the web wondering if her gorgeous visage will be greeting me swathed in filth and depravity. this fear that has been keeping me awake at night ever since i first saw the film has almost turned me off from porno forever.

no matter what her agent might try to do to me now or how it might traumatize the world, i realize that i can no longer keep this graphic evidence of her twisted little world to myself. all of my life i have looked upon her with awe, the perfect girl next door. but my eyes are open now and i hope that one day you will be able to forgive me for shattering her image of innocence.


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