"the truth about barbie's 'sisters'"
by alexander

we all know that millie is evil. If you are not yet a believer, please refer back to some of h.bob's shocking reports like "pickled in plastic-the millicent story" and "millicant's secret drug ring exposed". and who can forget the graphic "barbie porn!"? even though we have exposed millicent as the mean-hearted, sexually deviant, cruel drug lord that she is, many of you still choose to allow her into your homes and let her lull your children into a dark world of anorexia and laxative abuse.

but all of that is about to change. envasion.net has the exclusive story that will have you tossing the plastic devil out of your house in revulsion. we will no longer cower in fear of mattel, her powerful corporation. we will no longer obscure her eyes for her protection. we will no longer call her by her middle name, millicant. we are coming out of the toy closet and admitting loud and clear that this 11 1/2-inch high evil has a name, and it is barbie.

everyone has seen - some of you even purchased - barbie doll and kids play sets. as an unmarried, young woman, her PR people don't like the idea of barbie being an unwed mother of tiny bastard children so they introduce these babies as "barbie's little sisters." of the more famous sisters are skipper, kelly, and krissy. but they aren't the only children hanging around our evil queen. she is seen with infant boys and girls of all colors up to toddlers that range from black to white to asian.

i know what you're thinking. barbie's a busy girl that just gets around. after all, "barbie porn!" proves that she's a slut. she's bought several wedding dresses over the years but she still refuses to tie the knot with her long-term boyfriend ken (and we've all heard the rumors about ken and his boy-toy g.i. joe). even as we giggle about all of the illegitimate babies surrounding the blonde vixen, think about the obvious. if barbie, the celebrated celebrity who is constantly scrutinized and followed by the media were to become pregnant, wouldn't it have made the lead story in every gossip paper?

even if she were able to conceal one pregnancy, how can she conceal a dozen? how then can we explain all of the multi-racial children that barbie claims as her family? our investigation revealed that our demonic genius barbie is head of an underground baby brokerage. she and her accomplices steal babies from unsuspecting parents who have bought her wholesome image, and then they sell the infants in black market toy stores. those adorable tiny barbie "sisters" that are right now being played with by your daughter, your niece, your neighbor, have been ripped from the arms of their loving mothers only to be sold to YOU and the profit goes straight into barbie's pink pocketbook.

it makes me weep to think about what all of the poor, 11 1/2-inch mothers must be suffering when they go upstairs to empty cribs and open windows. how they must have broken down while they filled out a police report that would never get filed. who in doll town would ever investigate barbie, the evil queen bee? so millie and her accomplices get away with their drug pushing and porn making and baby stealing ways because as long as you support her, the D.P.D. officers will continue to look the other way and weeping mothers will continue to come home to empty houses. and next time that you are tempted to buy a baby, plastic or otherwise, think for just one second and ask yourself, "am I doing the right thing?", else wise you may find yourself supporting barbie baby brokers.