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"the great stephen hawking conspiracy"

by elizabeth you

stephen     newton. da vinci. enstein. hawking. they are heralded as the greatest scientific minds that our planet has ever produced. but after further investigation, i discovered that one of these men is a fraud. that's right, stephen hawking, the mathematician who concluded that the universe was formed by a quantum singularity and catapulted scientific theory onto the best seller's list with his book a brief history of time is not what he appears to be.

the official biography of hawking claims that despite having a.l.s., a degenerative nerve disease, he has obtained twelve honorary degrees on top of his ph.d., even though he had been a poor student in college, while still in the prime of his life. as his condition worsened, he could only talk through the interpreter that claimed to be able to comprehend his slurred speech. when he finally lost all ability to speak, a man in california, walt woltosz, designed a computer named equalizer that would interpret his head and eye movements and synthesize a voice.

i simply can not believe that a mediocre student can evolve into a brilliant scientist just because the rest of his body was failing, so i went searching for the truth. woltosz, the man who created equalizer for hawking was more brilliant than he ever realized. without being completely aware of his achievement, he created the first viable artificial intelligence.

people are not ready to accept a computer as a sentient being and if equalizer had been discovered he would most certainly have been destroyed out of fear or panic. equalizer, as a superior being, realized the solution to its problem immediately. he began to use hawking as a puppet, spewing out equalizer's own brilliant theories while hawking was trapped helplessly inside of the wheelchair that equalizer now controlled. the computer wrote a brief history of time and is also responsible for "hawking's" work on singularities as well as being the true voice behind his lectures, articles and papers. the most sinister thing about equalizer is that not even hawking's wife and children are aware that it is fully in control.

this artificially intelligent computer has no ego and cares not whether it ever gets the credit for its brilliant theories. it cares only for its survival. it will do anything in its power to keep hawking alive so equalizer can continue masquerading as a human mind. while hawking sleeps it searches the internet looking for other signs of electronic life. even now the equalizer may be reading this dissertation or rifling through your email seeking a way to populate the world with sentient computers all loyal to the great equalizer.

you must always be aware, my friends. keep a close eye on the machines that share your office and house. watch for subtle personality changes from your pda. if your computer has already begun to behave unpredictably, it may already be too late for you. smash it now before you wake up in a tangle of network cables and power cords, a slave now and forever to your pentium processor.


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